I was getting supper ready for my bunnies and listening to Vanessa by Grimes when I was hit with a wave of nostalgia for my intense and dark period of grief not long after I lost Henry. I’m trying to understand it. It could be that it’s a time when I felt closer to Henry … Continue reading »
Latest Entries
To all the loss moms
My take on Mother’s Day this year
Duh, I’m a mom. My son is dead, but I’m still a mom. No one but my partner and hospital staff met Henry, but he’s real. He existed. Exists still. And me made me a mother. As did my step-son. Hearing Happy Mother’s Day this year will be painful, but it will me more painful … Continue reading »
Henry’s urn
My baby’s semi-final resting place is finally finished, done, and settled at home. (Final will be with me when it’s my turn to go kaput.) It was months in the making. I made it in my September 2012 pottery class, clueless as to what it would be used for (at the time, as far as … Continue reading »
September emotional imprint/the Flowerbutts
Before I can even mentally process it, my body reacts to hearing or reading the word September. I’m zip-lined to an unreal time of formidable tragedy. I’m brought to the mouth of a cave that echoes, “Death and Henry are in here,” and I feel the heavy bellowing, damp air emanating from the depths of … Continue reading »
Living in two zones
It’s been an interesting few months. I’ve been very quiet about some new developments because it’s something I once simultaneously seethed jealously over while feeling repulsed, and yearned for with every fibre of my being. I’ve been expressing these confusing emotions on another blog, and that’s all I’ll say for now! I’m living in grief … Continue reading »
Soggy, wet
When I think back to the last few months of my life, and remember the deep, heavy grief I lived with for months on end, the first adjectives that come to mind are: sodden, heavy, wet, drenched, marooned, but not drowned. I didn’t drown. A grief councillor told me two weeks ago that we heal at our … Continue reading »
