Remembering Henry on October 15

Image courtesy of Small Bird Studios

From October 1988, President Ronald Reagan Proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, their isn’t a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.”

October 15 is a special day in this month of awareness to break the silence that surrounds pregnancy & infant loss, and infertility.

I will never forget my son. From the moment I found out I was carrying him, to every moment until the day I also pass on. I remember his kicks. I remember seeing him wiggle away from the ultrasound wand the first time we got to see him, and how we fell hard and fast in love with him all over again. I remember his birth, and his bright red skin, and how absolutely beautiful he is. I remember that he has his dad’s ears and my mouth. I’m reminded that there isn’t only pain in this journey – Henry brought us a lot of happiness.

We miss you, every moment of every day.

5 comments on “Remembering Henry on October 15

  1. Kale says:

    I cannot imagine your pain. I almost lost my son during childbirth and am thankful every day he made it and do not know if I would have had to the strength to move forward if it had ended differently. You have immense strength and don’t let anyone try to tell you what/how to feel or how/when to move on. It is yours and your partners journey. No one elses. No words will bring him back or change the outcome, all I can say, and I hope you aren’t offended, is that sometimes life’s a real bitch.

    • Mel Lefebvre says:

      Thank you Kale. I asked the good luck fairy today where the fuck she’s been – life is a bitch, and one of the things I’ve realized, in screaming at how unfair this has been is that, yeah, life’s not fair – that’s just how it is. It’s not supposed to be fair. Sometimes good things happen, and sometimes bad things happen – a lot.

      Thank you for your message, I really appreciate it.

      • Mel Lefebvre says:

        In re-reading what I wrote, my ending of thanking you sounds sarcastic – but it isn’t, I really do appreciate what you wrote, and i’m really happy that your son pulled through – that must be the best feeling in the world. We hope that we feel that one day, too, when the time is right.

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