I am the epitome of blob. I sit, I do nothing.
I’ve even been neglecting my blog – my #1 healing tool.
A few months ago, I was holding two jobs, sat on the board of directors for an environmental co-operative, and freelanced for magazines. For someone like me, the amount of things I do in a day now takes some getting used to. And I need it. It’s hard to predict when I wake up if the day is going to be a good, go out and get ’em kind of day, or if I’ll stay in bed all day crying while holding Henry’s only possession – the blanket the nurses wrapped him in at Sainte Justine’s Hospital.
But I’m starting to feel the sun peaking around my shoulder, just a tiny, tiny, small little bit. I’m starting to recognize that it’s ok to acknowledge that it’s important to do nice things for myself now and then. And that’s a big step for me. Last night, I startled my partner with the bright green face mask I put on. haha!
Yesterday, I was looking at buying a pedometer as a motivating tool to do something simple that I enjoy and encourage myself to get out of the house and make walking goals each day. I don’t know if the sun is going to stay out, though.
I’m afraid the next few days are going to be wrought with anxiety because one of my bunnies is going to the vet for surgery to remove her uterus and simultaneously get rid of tumours. They say at her age, the surgery is as risky as letting her live with a cancer that might, or might not spread.
I’m trying to breathe and not let the walls crumble around me each time something bad might happen. It was difficult, but I feel I coped fairly decently when my grandmother was rushed to the hospital a month ago, though I was probably still in shock back then. So I guess I’ll sit tight and see how things go and wish for the best. Until then, whether in the full sunlight or the darkness, a blob I shall be.