I’m trying to let go of unachievable goals.
I have a container of delicious coffee. I don’t know how many times I’ve told myself “I need to be pregnant again before I get to the end of this bag,” or even “I’ll change my toothbrush when I get pregnant again.” I’m only driving myself crazy and creating unnecessary pressure, and strange personal habits, and setting myself up for failure.
I’m a Virgo, so I feel it’s in my nature to construct a reality full of lists, goals, and criticize myself harshly when things aren’t satisfied to my personal expectations. And making time markers to get pregnant by are just silly.
My brain is a Virgo, but my ovaries don’t follow that planning chart, and do whatever the fuck they want no matter what’s going on outside them. They don’t care if I want to have my coffee addiction paused for a baby interlude, and my teeth don’t appreciate baser hygiene because I feel compelled to reward myself with a new toothbrush if a life goal is achieved or not.
In short: I’m weird. And it’s ok. I just want to stop adding stress to my life. It’s silly. Stop it, Mel!