Your baby’s pictures

It doesn’t hurt to look at my friends’ baby’s pictures anymore. Remember a while ago, I wrote about how much that sucked, yet I was compelled by some inner drive of torture to look at ALL of them on facebook. Grief has no bounds for the crazy things it makes you do.

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It got to the point where I no longer ‘followed’ even close friends so that I wouldn’t see their happy goddamn babies and their happy goddamn perfect lives, with all the alive babies who didn’t have a horrible fatal genetic disease that didn’t kill them. The well of bitterness ran deep. Now the acid seems to have been replaced with something less noxious, and I’m able to look now and then without sharp knives piercing my heart. Hooray!

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6 comments on “Your baby’s pictures

  1. Elisabeth Anderson says:

    Hooray! You’re wonderful Mel.

    xoxoxoxo

  2. tersiaburger says:

    You are so strong!! It is a testament of your inner strength that you have been able to move forward. I clearly remember your post about going for walks after dark so you would not bump into children and avoiding friends…. You have come so far my dear friend.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Hi Mel thats awesome! Just one thing to always keep in mind, genetic disorders or none, everyone’s lives seem perfect on Facebook. But trust me, no one’s life is perfect. Even with a healthy baby there are still issue’s in everyone’s lives. I am not meaning to undermine anything you have been through just a little friendly reminder to help if ever you feel down. Lots of love xoxo Christina 🙂

    • Mel Lefebvre says:

      Oh, honey, trust me, I know no one’s life is perfect. But if you became pregnant and successfully gave birth to a healthy child that didn’t die – trust me, your life IS perfect in the eyes of a parent who has lost a child. Most things have a solution, but death doesn’t. I’ll never hold Henry again. He’ll never take his first steps. I’ll never hear his laugh or see the colour of his eyes, or give him a bath. He’ll never have problems at school that he’ll need help with. He’ll never have a first crush, graduate from high school, or choose a career. He’ll never have special needs, he’ll never outgrow a pair of shoes, throw a tantrum, or crash my car, or even need bail to get out of trouble. Every little problem you have, in my eyes and the eyes of parents who no longer have a living child – is a blessing, and has a solution.

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