One

One year ago today, we lost you.

I remember the hospital, the nurses – thieves of slumber throughout the night – checking that bloody beeping blue machine, checking my IV drip, inserting the misoprotol. Waiting for my child to drop and be taken away.

Contractions. Broken water. Panic of a new mom. Birth canal. Pushing. A silent baby.

We held you, our beautiful, perfect Henry. We were afraid to handle you too much. You were so, so broken. Born with limbs jutting the wrong way. So frail. You were gone, but we dared not hurt you more, our precious son. A new mom who left the hospital without her child. A father without his second son.

Now, memories. Memorabilia. A few photos. Your footprints, and the hat they put on your head that still has some of your blood. Ashes in an urn I made you.

You are long gone, but you will never, ever, ever be forgotten. Where are you now?

I love you, Henry. My first love, my first child. And I miss you every day.

Once year equals 365 excruciating days without you. Happy birthday, my sweet Henry.

Photo on 13-05-02 at 3.22 PM

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6 comments on “One

  1. Anonymous says:

    Blessings and love to little Henry and to you Melanie ! xoxo

  2. 1grandmabean says:

    Love you. Love Him. Always xoxoxo

  3. tersiaburger says:

    Oh my friend….hugs and tears!

  4. Little Henri was here for such a short while ,but in the heart of the ones who loved him he will live for EVER ❤

  5. Anonymous says:

    I have never posted on one of these before and I have no idea who you are but I’ve been reading through your blog in tears. On November 6th my husband and I lost our identical twins to OI type 2. I feel so lost and alone. Reading your blog and seeing that someone else has gone through this and shares so many of the same feelings that I am feeling has been helpful. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

    • Mel Lefebvre says:

      I am so sorry for your losses. There really are no words. I pray you and your husband have the time and space to nest and hold each other and grieve. You are in my thoughts – please never hesitate to get in touch with me if you need an ear or a virtual shoulder. My email address is mel
      (dot)lefebvre(at)gmail(dot)com.

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