I’m so thrilled to be at a healthy place with this pregnancy. It’s going well. He’s healthy. He kicks and punches and kicks some more. Pregnancy and birth pop up all the time when I’m with friends, family, acquaintances. People share their birth stories. It’s what they do.
Ladies – I’VE GIVEN BIRTH BEFORE!!!! Just because my son is dead and I didn’t get to bring him home doesn’t mean I’m not a mother. But I’ve given birth. I’ve had contractions. My water broke. A baby came out of my birth canal.
I know it’s hard to remember, because you don’t see my son, because he’s dead. But I HAVE given birth.
It’s hard for a loss mom to hear your birth stories and not feel like she can contribute. You might say, “Well you need to feel what it’s like at 8,9 months,” (said by one family member recently. Punch you in the face, very much). You might just look at me with sad puppy dog eyes. You might feel bad for not realizing that what you’re saying is hard for me to hear. You might not realize I’m not a newbie, and feel like my experience giving birth is less valid than yours.
I have given birth. We have given birth. I’m just like you. I have a birth story, and it’s a lot harder than yours, no matter what ways you were split, no matter whether your epidural took effect or not. No matter how much you bled, pooped, screamed at your husband. You got to take your baby home.